Emotion's diary

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, bright colors

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, sadness, melancholy blue colors

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, blue colors, sadness, melancholy

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, bright colors, pink, red hues, eyes watching at you

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, bright colors, blue

portrait, woman face, fine, smooth painting, fairy, neck, chicks, hair

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, bright colors, green, pink, fiercely

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, dark colors, black, green, indigo

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, bright colors, violet, purple, eyes, hair

portrait, woman's face, old masters techniquerealistic colors

portrait, woman face, expressive brushstrokes, bright colors, pink, orange, eyes

portrait, woman face, bright colors, purple, violet, geometric lines

Emotion's Diary

Working with the Self
Self-portraits
My different personalities
Faces; Expressions; Colours
My past; how I grew up
BPD
Invalidation
Extremely sensitive
Incapable of controlling strong feelings
Don’t think but FEEL
Sadness; Loneliness; Fear of abandonment
Impulsiveness

How hard is to describe all those strong emotions, all that anger, all that emptiness, hopelessness, invalidation, pain, sadness, blue, grey...? Sometimes a little ray of joy – pink and sunny orange glow… Green as a poison, all that hate. People, please don’t be afraid!
I call these series Emotion’s Diary because it’s everyday process of capturing my emotions in self-portraits. It works as a diary - my diary, my feelings grasped in self-portraits. I’m focused on analyzing the self and the issues that appear in modern society.
Each painting reveals my emotional state in the day of creation. Sometimes I paint one per day. Sometimes I take a break from it for a while. I use variety of colors and techniques which express my mood. The portraits are very different from each other as my emotions are. I work with “myself” and revealing my mental disorder – BPD / Borderline Personality Disorder. It sounds scary or even uncanny. I have to deal with my extreme emotional personality, changing my moods sometimes in a blink of a second. It’s hard to be me. It’s hard to be with me. Many people with this condition are so incapable of dealing with their strong feelings that prefer to hurt themselves in order to substitute the emotions with physical pain.
I use colors and texture; I use my face, my eyes. Paintings can talk. I believe I could help many who suffer. I believe I could help many lost souls to find themselves through my art works.
The working process itself is healing for me. I get to know myself better. Documenting certain state of mind in a certain way with a certain color that I don’t decide in advance but I feel in the moment, taught me to love that color and that feeling too. Taught me to love myself exactly the way I am.
Mental issues are still taboo. People are not talking about it, not accepting it in a way. But I’m not afraid of giving it a voice. I’m not afraid of exposing myself to the audience. Why should I?! I want to tell a story, I want to open eyes.

Emotion's diary